MOVING FORWARD...

                                                                   A New Beginning!!


I started this blog January 1, 2010. At the time I was following a suggestion from my grief counselor to...find an outlet. My husband had passed away the previous year and during his long illness writing was my therapy to myself. But for some reason that first year after he passed away my writing/therapy stopped. So with my counselor's assignment in mind,  "The Early Morning Poet" was born.

But now I feel that God is calling me to  to move forward with my writing and my next phase of "life's Journey".
A year ago I completed a very intensive training course at OHSU on "living with Parkinson's". My counselor told me,  "Don't hog your journey....it's not just for you" . 

So stay tuned for a new direction my writing will be taking. Not sure what exactly..but I will be sharing with my blog friends and family because...we all see giants in the journey where God is leading us, and we all have a journey. 

I had dinner with a very smart insightful friend last night..we were busting the gloomies and packing our bags and moving to a better state of mind. She gave me some excellent advice. Thanks Friend!!
Basically our two hour after dinner conversation boiled down to these words, "Love God...Love yourself...and let go of all your pride."  Yep it's that easy!!  Because after all.....

I don't want to hog my Journey...it's not just for me!!

Queen Sheba

Every good Captain should have a mascot and "The Promise" Has Queen Sheba. Sheba is going on thirteen years old and since she was a four week old kitten she has lived on the sail boat "promise".

When sailing she loves to roam the decks looking for a sunny spot to take in the sun.

                  




                        She loves the birds eye view when sailing....

                              or maybe it's the cat's eye view








It's nap time...again!!

She is the queen.... she used to tolerate  me...but now she will come and sit on my lap. But she will ask permission first. Look me right in the eye and give a big ol MEOW..I say yes come on....and she get's herself situated for another nap.                                                                                                        
                                                                                                        





                                                                                                           

10 days later...

Today is the tenth day aboard sail boat "Promise" and I am thoroughly enjoying the beauty and splendor of these islands. We have been "hanging on the hook" in Dungeness Bay for the past 24 hours. My favorite and most beautiful spot so far. It's a  National Wildlife Refuge with the world's longest natural sand spit that softens the rough sea waves and forms a quite bay and harbor. I got up this morning at 5:00 AM to hopefully get a few good sunrise pictures.

But along with the good a few.... minor mishaps...have occurred. But to be fair to the Captain I guess I really should admit that leaving a propane burner on...without flame...is a tad bit more than minor. He then proceeded to give me a lesson regarding boats...propane...and fire. I still say I didn't do it...but since there's only the two of us on board, he choose me. But in all fairness to me I do have a very good excuse for all the minor mishaps that have been occurring these past 10 days. I have told him several times that this boat is haunted. Ghosts that push buttons that shouldn't be pushed... move my things about so they are constantly in the Captains way...remove batteries from his air mattress/bed. Yes it's true. When he went to put more air in his bed the pump wouldn't work and inspection revealed there were only three batteries. When he had aired it up 3 weeks previously he had installed the four needed batteries. Ghosts I say!!

New weight loss plan

Saturday June 17, 2011 ...Two Miles off the island of San Juan just hanging on the hook...that's sailboat talk for anchored. Yesterday we moored for the afternoon in Friday Harbor, the largest city in the islands. It's an enchanting little town with a mix of old and new establishments.

Kneeling required to get in refrigerator

The Captain told me that boat life  is hard...not like my previous traveling adventures in a 36 foot, self contained motor home. In fact he guaranteed me I would loose ten pounds over the next two months. I was a bit skeptic...but after almost a week aboard I now realize why he sounded so confident when he said it

stairs up to door..door height approx 3 ft

After being aboard the Promise almost a week I really wonder if I can make it two months. I'm really not a wimp or anything but after 5 full days aboard I'm absolutely sure I will be loosing a pound a day and I'm wondering this morning how can a 90 pound weakling be of any assistance what-so-ever.

This is the shower...The opening to the shower hits me mid-thigh.
I'm not short but I  have very short legs for my height..can be a little ticklish....just sayin!!

My herbs that I started from seeds at home are doing amazing!!

Through the porthole!!

Tuesday June 14, 2011  Port Angles, Washington

Boarded sailboat "promise" about 10:00 PM Sunday evening.
             "Looking through the porthole"







After hearing about the "adventure" (if that's what it's called) the guys had on their 36 hour ocean voyage I am extremely glad Warren talked me out of going on that part of the trip...and I realized what I learn in the next two months will determine if I will be a help or a hindrance on the return voyage.


Took Ed and Carol sailing yesterday. Ed was the Captain's helper on the ocean trip and I drove up with his girlfriend Carol on Sunday. It was shirt sleeve weather for the first couple of hours and then a storm blew in.

Lesson #1 steering the boat

            Note the blue sky






A girlfriend of mine is arriving tomorrow to spend a week with me on the boat. After she gets here we are sailing for the island of San Juan...about a 7 hour sail depending on the wind.

Revised plan #5

Oh my...here we are almost mid-June...well a really good start anyway. No one calls me lately...why? because they think I'm sailing...but I forgive them because after all I have been leaving on a sail boat for almost 6 weeks now. We have had a lot of revised plans...we are now on revised plan number #5...and NO there will not be a plan #6. So in the next week or so be looking for blog updates from me aboard the "Promise".

My garden is going to miss me...but not as much as I will miss my garden. With all the rain we've had lately at least I can say my garden loves it.  A sign I have in my garden says it all:

If your lucky enough to have a garden

you are lucky enough.

The roses Reub sent me!

beautiful color!!

My secret garden...

Still wondering....

There's a lot of things I wonder about...I wonder if I will always have this feeling of sadness at this time of the year....I wonder about the beauty of the world....such beauty and such powerful destruction...I wonder did God also create tornado's....I wonder why....I wonder if loved ones in heaven are aware of how much we miss them....I wonder how anyone gets through life without faith....I wonder why... but I still believe...I wonder if I will actually ever sail on a boat called Promise...I wonder if obstacles are just obstacles to jump over...or are they messages from above...I wonder whatever made me think May 28 would be easier this year...I wonder why sometimes life is so hard...I wonder why my Grand kids are getting so old...so fast...and I'm not...I wonder if they will forget his face...yes I wonder about lots of things!! But most of all I wonder how a person can feel such sadness....and at the same time such happiness and anticipation about the promise of a sail on The Promise!!

                                                                                         

I wonder...

San Juan Islands here I come...well soon anyway...I think...maybe soon!!  The sail boat Promise has not been to sea in a few years and the Captain takes his job very seriously...as well he should. In preparing the boat for it's ocean voyage he found water in the fuel tank....vandals...an accident?...I wonder!!.  BUT...that was a good thing, because in cleaning the water from the fuel tanks he discovered he had a bad fuel pump. So glad the fuel pump was discovered now and not 25 miles out to sea. A coincidence...I wonder!!
Psalm 121:8  The Lord will watch over your comings and goings both now...and forever.

It seems to me it would be so much easier to work on a boat engine if it was an outboard. Don't they put outboard engines on sailboats? I asked the Captain that very question and his response "silence". Maybe that was a stupid question!!

My job in this whole fuel pump repair:

Put on my mechanical clothes (yes I have special mechanical clothes)...lay on the floor...and hold mirror and flashlight so he can see what he's doing. So far so good...I can do this. The mirror is attached to the end of the tool on the left of the picture. He says, "now hold the mirror really still...and don't move it".
Here lies the problem. Excuse me...but you don't tell someone with Parkinson's to hold really still and don't move. What is he thinking??

So now the fuel pump is out of the boat and at the repair shop. So in 7-10 days we will sail...hopefully...I wonder!!

Sailing on Promise

Next month I am leaving on a trip of a lifetime....setting the sailboat Promise's course for the  San Juan islands. These islands are tucked away in the Northwest corner of the state of Washington and their rugged beauty,  mild climate and remoteness make them a true "get away from it all " destination. 

I think I will make a good sailor. I've been deep sea fishing numerous times and never got sick so I do have that in my favor....I love the water....and I do have an adventurous spirit..... but that was a few years back and as I age I seemed to have lost some of my adventurous spirit. But then again a few months back I did said "Yes" immediately to para sailing in Cabo and zip lining on the island of St Lucia...but two months of sailing?? Not sure why I feel a bit apprehensive the Captain has hours and hours of sailing experience and a few years back he sailed to Hawaii by himself.  So that sets my mind at ease and gives me a measure of comfort. But also coming along increasing my comfort level is a friend who also is an experienced sailor. So when learning that for the trip up the Pacific ocean into the straits of Juan De Fuca there would be two experienced sailors at the helm my bold...adventurous..daring...cheek...determined spirit returned.

                                                                  

                                                                      Will I have to do this?

                                                                        

This past few weeks while assisting the Captain getting the boat sea worth I have been listening and learning quite a bit of the sailing lingo. I checked out some library books on ocean sailing but I found myself skipping over the terms associated with ocean voyages...terms like grab a bucket and start bailing...what happened to the Dinghy?...what's a storm surge?...abandon ship (your kidding right?) ...is flogging still practiced?  But one term I'm worried I may get quite familiar with is "down the hatch".

                                                                                                 
We set sail sometime the last week of April or the first week in May...we will be waiting and watching the weather looking for a good window of no storms and calm sea's. There will be four on board for the ocean part of the sail...Captain Warren, Captain Lanny, my friend Victoria and myself.

My plan is to keep family and friends current and updated via my blog.....

LAUGHING WITH THE ANGELS...

More than likely he had just played a joke on someone!!

 Tomorrow is my birthday but the day I remember most is today...the day before my birthday. Two years ago today my Reuben took a trip of a life time...a trip that he had been preparing for his whole life. The last six months before he left he was in constant preparation. But he had no bags to pack...no little baggie to hold all his liquids..no passport...no money needed for this trip....in fact he didn't need to take a thing ..except a heart and soul that was devoted to his maker his whole life.

Reuben loved to laugh and he loved making others laugh...especially me. There's no doubt in my mind that he is not only laughing with the angels but also making them laugh.

You family is thinking of you and remembering you today Reub...
                  

BIRTHDAY.....AGAIN????

Guess what......in a couple of weeks I will be 1,096 days short of being seven decades old. WOW!!
As I sit here writing this I am at an over 55 hot mineral water resort in Southern California and most everyone is way over 55. My daughter and neice in their 40's came to visit for a week and they loved being "the young hot babes" at the pool. One of my husband's favorite sayings's was "getting old is not for sissy's." and I have to admit he was right. I have noticed while living amoung "old" people...ooops..excuse me....senior adults.... this past couple of months is that most of the time the conversation's in the pool reside around their past surgery's...their achy joints....bad knees....bad backs...medications...and or numerous other ailments.

I don't mind being old but I sure hate looking old....and I sure wish I could have had some practice before hand. But it seems I just woke up one morning and realized....I am old. It just sorta snuck up on me. One day I was the "hot babe at the pool" and the next I'm buying slimmers disquised as a cami. It's called a flex-eez and incidently the name is a complete oxi-moron... there is nothing at all that you can flex..let alone flex with ease, while wearing this cami.  It is made of some miracle spandex so strong that I have to remember to breathe. Note to self...OK now it's time to breathe in then wait a couple seconds then... breathe out.

Oh there were signs along the way that I was getting older but I guess I just ignored them. Like random hair growth. I had my upper lip and chin waxed for the very first time a couple of month's ago. OUCH...then she had the nerve to ask if I wanted a bikini wax also. A bikini wax...after feeling the pain of the upper lip wax....who in their right mind would say yes to that question. But that poses another question: what would make her think that I would need... or want...or enjoy...a bikini wax? ..and no I did not tell her about my random hair growth in the vicinity of the girls.

Another sign along the way that I must have just ignored is my neck...I think I have turkey genes that are runnning rampent in my family. If this keeps up I can actually see myself being afraid to go outdoors on Thanksgiving. My neck tissue seems to have developed a life of it's own. Young girls take care of your neck. I know....wrap it in one of those FLEX-EEZ every night before bed.

I used to have an amazing memory Tell me your phone number once and could remember it and dial it a week later. Now I have problems not only with my memory...but my hearing as well. When driving to the store I have to make three left turns...why don't I just turn my signal on when I leave home and then I won't have to remember to turn it on..then off again.  Seems so much easier to me.

My greatest fear is driving the wrong way. Just lately I went east on the freeway for 40 miles before realizing I needed to go west. Easy mistake for even young people to make....isn't it?  I have gone down a one-way street the wrong way....I tend to get out of elevators as soon as the door opens...note to self: check to see what floor your on.  I tend not to believe my GPS lady....she enjoys sending me the wrong direction. As if I know more than the satelites that the military rely on for national security issues. My greatest fear lately is heading through the car wash going the wrong direction. Now that would be funny....especially if I meet another directionally impaired senior adult lady that immediately assumes she's going the wrong way and starts backing up. Now that's funny...I don't care who you are!!

Talking to God...pondering things!!

My prayer for today God....I don't want to do nice things for people any more.... I don't want to do nice things for people just to be "nice" ...or so that I will be nice and others will think I'm nice. Help me to be nice...for absolutely no reason. What a concept!!


Because....it is better to wear out doing nice than to rust out doing little or nothing.


God always gives His best to those who let Him choose....God help me..let you.


No matter how many goals I have or have achieved ...God help me to remember to set my sights on the highest one.


Help me to remember that I am not a human being on a spiritual journey...but instead I am a spiritual being on a human journey.


If my desire to write is not accomplished by actual writing...than my desire is not to write. If my desire is to please God and then I do unpleasing things...than my desire is not to please Him.

A single sunbeam can drive away all shadows...God you are my sunbeam.

Thank you God for all the lessons I have learned in the past two years.
You have walked with me and guided me through some tough times. Thank you for teaching me that happiness is a choice...and I choose happiness. You have taught me not to dwell on sad things because I relinquish to them a power they were never meant to have and I don't want to give that kind of power to things I have no control over.

Thank you for putting a friend in my path that helped me to choose happiness.
Today God just let me rest in you!!

MY DIET QUEST!

I'm on a quest or mission to find a diet that actually works. I've tried high carb, low carb, count points, diet for my blood type, low food and no food .... and my observation is dieting is not a piece of cake. At the present time I am in Southern California enjoying the beautiful sun...the hot mineral water....and the FOOD!! My two favorite places to visit...and I'm thinking technically I may qualify as a squatter... is the date farm and their famous date shakes.... and my all time fav is the DOUBLE DOUBLE from the In-and-Out. So this week I'm back on WW and counting points. Well I really must be truthful about this and say, "I'm attempting to count points".  Some days I have to just give up and say, "thank God tomorrow is another day and I haven't eaten a thing in that day yet.


So in my quest to find the EASY diet I did a little surfing and read a few blog's on dieting and I found this.

  A diet where I don't have to do anything....the tape worm does it all.
PTL my quest is over I found the perfect diet....NOT. I wonder if this was a real add in a magazine or a joke.

So in my quest the only conclusion I came to is I have to eat less food. Eat less food?? So I guess that means giving up mashed potatoes and gravy. Mashed potatoes and gravy make me think of my Mom...they bring me comfort. Her theory was, "if something comes with gravy then use it". Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. And always...always...make your mashed potatoes with cream or if your dieting then it's OK to use half and half. 

JIMINY CRICKETTS!!

Jiminy Crickett was a comical and wise little character who accompied Pinocchio on his many adventures.

Well I think this comical and wise little fictous crickett is alive and mating in my closet. Cricketts!!

We all remember warm summer evenings as little kids the pleasant sound of cricketts chirping away. They are field crickettts. Now I bet you didn't know there are also house cricketts...yes house cricketts....and they all reside in my little rented house in Desert Hot Springs. Also house cricketts don't have much of anything to do while living in  a house except make that "pleasant crickett chirp" and make more cricketts. Each adult female lays hundreds of eggs and those eggs my friend hatch into hundreds of baby cricketts...and those baby's grow up to "make that pleasant crickett chirp" and of course make more cricketts. Are you getting the picture??

Just in case your not getting the picture...                   

here they are....crickett's that make that "pleasant chirping sound".

Not only are they noisy but they are bugs...ugly bugs that hop just about the time I get my courage up to smash it into a brown gooey mess on my kitchen floor.

Yes I admit it....I hate spiders....bugs....bees...fly's.
My girlfriend was visiting me last week and she was my crickett killer and my daughter will be here in two weeks to visit....and she can be the crickett killer. But until then I'm totally alone...well almost alone...I have the company of hudnreds of cricketts "making that pleasant chirping sound".

Grandma's Christmas tree

As we age it seems it get's harder and harder to get the ladder and haul out the Christmas decorations...and then 4 weeks later we have to store them all away again for another year...and I guess I am no exception. For many years we had a tree 18 feet high and we had to bring the ladder in the house just to decorate it. Now my tree is a fiber Optic fake little thing and I never have to decorate it.

But last year I re-instated the family tradition that was started many years ago by my husbands mother. Grandma Schultz was never one to decorate much but she always had a tree. Then as she got older even the tree disappeared. But that only lasted for a year or two because I think she got tired of all the whining and complaints, "but Grandma you need a tree, where do we put the presents"?  So I think in frustration she started hanging Christmas tree ornaments on her lamp shade. She got a good laugh from us all but in the back of our minds we were all thinking and asking ourselves, "is Grandma loosing it?" But never the less she continued this tradition for many years.

Well I think this Grandma is also loosing it. Last Christmas as I got out my Christmas decorations I remembered with affection and Love my mother-in-law's decorated lamp shade and I just knew in my heart that I had to continue this  tradition. When my daughter saw my decorated lamp shade it brought a huge smile to her face remembering her Granadma.

This Christmas season my prayer is for everyone to remember those family traditions and try keeping them alive by telling the stories to your kids and grandkids and pass on the old traditions and maybe start new ones.  

Have a wonderful Christmas and remember Jesus is the reason for the season!!

THE MONEY GAME!!

Lately I have had more than a couple people ask me why no blog updates lately?  Maybe I have writers block...or maybe just not inspired. Then Sunday morning my Pastor inspired me. What a sermon!! He preached on James 4 ....the folly of money and the love of money. During his sermon I was thinking about stuff...and money.  Oh how I do love to accumulate money...money for buying hotels...money for buying more property...money for buying railroads....money for houses and then more money as I collect rent. I can't help from smirking as I count and stack my money...stacks and stacks of money. I love to play the money game. Buy lots of stuff and charge lots of rent and always...always pass GO and never go to jail. I am queen of the money game...in the past I have amassed quite a Monopoly fortune. But at the end of the game I have to take all my stacks of money...all my hotels...all my property and put it back in the box.

 

Sometimes in life we loose track of our main goal and instead of putting our trust in the BIG "G"   GOD,  we instead start putting our trust in stuff....or the other 3 "G's"...Goods...Garments...and Gold. I think that's called stuff-trusting. If there was no God I guess stuff-trusting would be an OK thing to trust in. But there is a God and he wants us to trust in HIM....not stuff or money.

So I think what Pastor Dave was trying to get across to me is yes we should plan for the future but our plan should include God. Do not be haughty and think for one minute that you had anything to do with your accumulations. Everything is God's....God owns everything and gives us all things to enjoy. Be rich in good works, ready to give, and willing to share. It's just yours to play with while you are here so don't take it too serious. After all it's just like Monopoly money. It all goes back into the box when the game is over.

Friends and Family!!

My daughter's gone....oh she's not gone-gone but she was staying with me for a few weeks until she found a more permanent place....now she's gone and I miss her already. The last time she and I spent time together in the same house was over 20 years ago during her hard teen years...and I must say I truly love and admire the woman she has become.

We would sit in our jammies and share our life and our hearts. What is it about jammies that inspire friends to share more deeply?

I just returned from Astoria and the "Great Columbia River Crossing". This bridge that starts in Oregon and ends in Washington

and crosses the mouth of the Columbia river is one of the longest of it's kind in the world. Every year they close one lane of the bridge for two hours and over 3,000 people sign up to walk or run it's mighty span of over four miles. Eleven friends and I rented the "Penthouse" suite overlooking the bridge and the river. We spent the weekend laughing...sharing...eating...and laughing some more. Friends and family that know me inside and out and choose to love me anyway...that's what it's all about!!!

BEACH FEAT...OR BEACH FEET??

Feat...an astounding act of courage...endurance...or strength!!

Feet...take me where I want to go...with courage...with endurance....and strength!!

See these feet...hard to believe they are 66 years old...they don't hurt....they still get me where I need to go...and the most amazing thing is while every other part of my body has grown...my feet are still the same size as they were in high school...and not wanting to brag to much I also need to say that my earrings from my high school days still fit.

Last Thursday my feet completed an amazing feat!!My four week 1,120 hour Parkinson's study at

OHSU in done...finished...completed.  The purpose of the study was to prove that with a daily exercise program you can delay or stall the progression of this disease. I also need to add here that this exercise schedule needs to include at least 3 varied forms of exercise. They had me kayaking...Yoga...boxing...and crazy agility stuff that involved tires and jumping....and then....they would have me do these different exercises while counting from 100 backwards by threes. Jumping through tires...now that was a feat for these feet!!

Two years ago I did this same study with OHSU before they had funding to do the actual study. Before each study began they would hook me up to all kinds of wires and electrodes and then do very technical testing of balance, agility and other things involving cognitive thinking tasks. My goal was to continue with this crazy form of exercise to see how it affected the progression of Parkinson's.

They called me the other day with exciting news. They compared my testing from two years ago with my current testing and I actually scored better now than two years ago. WOOT...WOOT

But....now I have to continue this crazy exercise program...and they have added skipping. So if you happen to see me skipping around my house....while pretending I'm in a kayak....screaming out numbers at the top of my lungs....please don't call the white coat people.


 

A few of my favorite things...

With my very very busy schedule this past couple of months I was thinking I needed to slow down...don't plan so much....say no more often...go back to when life was less hectic. I did have a very hard time remembering that far back...you know..back when life was less hectic. But I did remember a few of my favorite things.

I remember my Mom coming to my room every morning and singing "Good morning sunshine". When a teenager I hated to hear that song because I knew it was then time to get out of bed. Oh how I wish I could hear her sing it just one more time. She loved flowers. Flowers in the garden...flowers in a vase...or just pictures of flowers. I wonder if she would enjoy looking at the 179 pictures of dahlia's I took a couple of weeks ago at the dahlia festival. YES MOM...one-hundred and seventy-nine. What was I thinking??  I think I must have inherited Mom's love of flowers.

Today must be a day of reminiscing because I was also thinking about my husband and pay phones booths. Remember pay phones....oh what fun they were!!  My husband was the king of seeing how many friends he could cram into a phone booth. On Saturday night dates that was not only a past-time but a hilariously fun hobby. I wonder at times what fun things are left for our young teenagers to do now a days? While in the restroom at the hospital the other day the lady in the stall next to me was just chattin away on her cell phone. I think she also misses the booth and so she pretends while in her little stall chattting away on her cell phone. I could say something here about making her deposit...but I won't.

Another favorite thing that I miss is traveling in our motor home with family and friends. When you loose your husband you also loose your lifestyle. I miss sitting down at the dinner table and eating a real meal....yes I know no one does that anymore but I did for 45 years and now it's dinner on a TV tray or standing in the kitchen. My lifestyle this past 19 months has changed 360 degrees....and I miss my old life. 

I miss my husband's friends. He had three really close friends that would visit him often his last year of life...and I miss them. It was fine when I was married to sit for hours and visit with them while Reub snoozed...but now I'm a single woman and they are married and with that status comes a host of other issues.

But since I am a glass half full type of person I would rather count my blessings and list them one by one....but there's not time in this day to finish that list. But I think it did my heart and soul good to reminisce, because by remembering what I miss most....reminded me what I still have.

EZEKIEL 34:26 .....there will be showers of blessings.

The pirate bride!!

This weekend my sister and I were invited on the sailboat of long time family friends to attend a pig roast on an island in the Columbia river. It was a three day event and about thirty sailboats were docked on the island for the festivities. The pig roast was attended by 50 or so people dressed as pirates....acting like pirates....and I think at times they actually thought they were pirates.  Saturday evening they had a pirate wedding performed by a young man dressed as a pirate with his newly acquired internet license stating he was legal to perform marriages.  I had a fun weekend with some old friends and some new friends.

But I arrived home with a sad heart. Sad for a number of reasons. Sad because I had been reminiscing off and on most of the day yesterday. It was the anniversary of Reuben's and my marriage 47 years earlier...and  sad because I received some very depressing news of a dear friend who's long time marriage is ending....and sad because two people dress up like pirates and are married by a reverand toting a internet license to marry...a toy gun...a plastic cannon...a patch over one eye....and a belly full of rum. I was sad because the wedding of these two people was a joke....legal as all get-out...but treated as a joke. 

So this morning I am praying for my very close friend and her broken heart. I am praying for her peace as she talks to her attorney today...and I am praying for the new couple that started their marriage as a joke.

Please God hear my prayers and see my tears!!